Arranged+Marriages

= Arranged Marriages = = =

Introduction
toc Arranged marriage can be generally described as the practice of seeking out, finding, and marrying a partner through outside assistance, usually with the influence of parents, older relatives, respected cultural figures, or professional matchmakers.

The concept of forced marriage often comes to mind when arranged marriage is discussed and is most commonly seen as an extreme by Western cultural standards. These partnerships occur when parents or a matchmaker(s) arrange for a marriage and one or both members of the couple have no choice in the matter. If a member of the pair attempts to refuse the relationship, punishments may ensue or the option (if possible) to exit the arrangement may be revoked. While this form of marriage is still in practice today, arranged marriages run a spectrum of types of relationships:

Consensual arranged marriages do exist and can look a number of different ways. For instance, in some cultures parents or matchmakers set up a couple for marriage entirely. With this type of arrangement the couple may have only a few in-person meetings before the wedding, during which they may decide to voice strong objections or even call off the marriage. However, because of the extensive time and effort put into the careful matching of compatible couples, the overarching assumption held by all involved is that the relationship will lead to marriage. Similar to that kind of arrangement, there are circumstances where parents or matchmakers will facilitate an introduction and the couple will go on a number of dates before deciding themselves if they want to pursue marriage. A more recent form of arranged marriage that has developed from changing social climates involves couples finding each other through friends, social activities, and even advanced communicative technology such as dating sites and social media. With this form, parents are still able to veto or exert strong influence on the decision to marry.

"...love matches start out hot and grow cold, while arranged marriages start out cold and grow hot" ( Xu, Xiaohe, & Whyte, 1990).

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Arranged Marriages in China
Arranged marriages in China run the gamut from entirely arranged and set up by parents and match-makers, to self-found partners married after approval from parents. In a highly collectivist culture such as China, the opinions and decisions of parents are highly respected, so having a spouse found or approved of by a parent is a help and an honor. Parents will look for a partner with a high income, to make sure their children are taken care of, and to ensure a better life for their grandchildren. The marriage process has a short window - if a Chinese young adult reaches the age of 30, they are considered to be too old, or failures, so parents and young adults put in a lot of effort to find a spouse.

Arranged Marriages in India
The practice of arranged marriage is perhaps most well known within Indian culture. Specifically within the context of Hinduism, India's predominant religion, arranged marriage is viewed as a sacred tradition that serves to join not only two people, but entire families and shared customs. While this tradition is seen as a sacred act, there are several practical functions arranged marriages serve as well, especially in conjunction with India's caste system. In terms of preparing arranged marriages, parents have historically been the primary decision makers when it comes to finding partners who are well-suited for their children. However, with growing Western influence and the appeal of love marriages rising, India is witnessing a shift in the mechanics of finding and marrying spouses. This shift is particularly noticeable within the intimacies of marriages and same-sex relationships. As love and desire are being held in higher esteem, worldviews adapt to encompass more acceptance of these qualities and the partnerships that form from them. Consequently, balance between tradition and new and evolving values has become the norm and will likely continue to be as the concept of arranged marriage in India strays from what it has historically been known.

Arranged Marriages Among Orthodox Jews in America
In order to preserve religious practices and culture, religious leaders of the Orthodox Jews religion encourage the young members of their community to use the aid of matchmakers in order to find their forever mate. Although this is not a common trend for individuals in the American culture, arranged marriages are important to a culture where unmarried individuals are not allowed the opportunity for the intermingling of members of the opposite sex and to prevent the absorption of modern American culture.

Recommendations for Educators, Counselors, and Researchers
Western culture views love matches at the most valid form of relationships. Media, commerce, and everyday conversations build up the idea of looking for and finding a romantic partner as the best foundation for a relationship, and that "true love" and intimacy are the core tenets of a Western marriage. To a clinician or educator, an arranged marriage may seem like an unhealthy relationship. They may be tempted to question whether the match was consensual for both parties, but to do is invalidating towards the culture of the married couple. To be clear: there are nonconsensual arranged marriages, and someone in that kind of relationship may come across your plate, professionally speaking. It's essential to determine the feelings of the individuals in the relationship as clearly as possible, without viewing it through the lens that any arranged marriage is nonconsensual. Those that are in relationships who want out can be given assistance, legal or therapeutic, but it's important to first determine the facts.

Clinicians helping a couple with marital or intimacy difficulties may want to treat the arranged marriage as the core problem. It's important to focus on the same relationship building, marriage validating strategies as they would with a couple who picked each other without outside involvement. The same joys and woes appear in arranged marriages as appear in love matches, and a therapist or counselor can address the couple/individual's problems without blaming them on the match. With that in mind, some relationship or personal struggles may arise which are unique to individuals in arranged marriages. Outside consultation or research may be necessary: if the clinician can do more research about the form and shape of their clients' arranged marriage, specific to their clients' culture, it would tremendously increase their ability to appropriately treat or advise.

For an educator, finding out that a student is planning to be married to an arranged partner may raise flags that their student is being nonconsensually married. As mentioned above, this is an unlikely but possible scenario. Similar to the recommendations for a clinician, educators are advised to find out more information about the specific situation in which their student is involved before jumping to Western-specific conclusions. Additionally, when educators speak or teach about marriage, it's important to address all forms of marriage, and not lay down the expectation that all marriage is based on the choices and actions of the adults involved. Educators are encouraged to teach about many forms of marriage, including ones in which parents or matchmakers are as involved as the partners getting married.

Researchers may jump to similar conclusions. They are encouraged to develop a line of research without a predetermined conclusion about arranged marriages, and to follow appropriate ethical guidelines regarding how to question participants without influencing their answers. It is impossible to do ethnographic research (or any research, for that matter) without influence by the culture of the researchers, so researchers from a culture without arranged marriages should consult with academics or guides from the culture that they are researching, in order to try and mitigate biases.