Arranged+Marriage+in+Orthodox+Judaism

=Orthodox Judaism= toc

Introduction
Orthodox Judaism is a stricter movement of Judaism. Orthodox Jews are expected to have a strict observance of the Sabbath (The Sabbath begins sundown on Friday night and ends sundown on Saturday night), dietary laws, and recognition of the first five books of the old testament, including the 10 commandments (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016). There are many subgroups of Orthodox Judaism ranging from modern to extremely strict/sheltered.Modern Orthodox Jews adhere to Jewish law but are comfortable incorporating modern activities such as professions and college. Stricter subgroups limit their modern world involvement as much as possible, preferring to live in communities with other individuals of their religion ( M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016).

Marriage and Family
All forms of Orthodox Judaism consider marriage and children to be an important component for a fulfilled life. The family is the core unit, with husband and wife expected to adhere to a faithful, monogamous relationship. The biblical book of Genesis sets the tone for God's people: God's people are instructed to go forth and populate the land (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016). Marriage and family are considered the best way to proceed in life. Jewish individuals in this subgroup of Judaism date primarily with the goal of finding the right person to marry or their Bashert, the Yiddish word for "destiny" (Depaul & Williams, 2008).



A decline in marriage rates along with the fear of assimilation into modern American culture have caused Jewish leaders to advocate for arranged marriages. By having the young people in the community use the aid of a matchmaker, families can be assured that their children are going to be matched with an individual of like-minded beliefs, reducing the risk of secularization (Depaul & Williams, 2008). Arranged marriages in this community place and emphasis on marriage at a young age, virginity of the bride, childbirth without delay after marriage, and large families (Reiss, 2014).

Matchmakers
It is frowned upon for unmarried members of the opposite sex to mingle with one another. Because it is difficult for singles to meet on their own the use of a matchmaker or shadchan, is crucial. The typical age of marriage is between 17-20 years old. Once individuals reach their mid to late 20s, they may be seen as undesirable, and they will have a harder time finding a match (Reiss, 2014). Older members of a family will contact the matchmaker and describe their single family member and describe the characteristics the ideal match should have. When an individual is matched, the matchmaker will provide them with information about their new much, such as: how often they read the Torah, what Yeshiva (Orthodox school) they attended, and whether or not they take part in secular activities (Depaul & William, 2008). A matchmaker, usually a woman but not always, may also see and eligible man or woman at a social event, such as a wedding, and ask the parents about their child. If the matchmaker finds the eligible individual to be appropriate for a young man or woman on their list of prospectives, they might try and set them up, or even set up the parents to meet each other first. Compatibility of the two families is almost as important as the couples being a good match (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016). The couple will typically meet a few times before deciding to marry, courtships last around three to six months, the couple is expected to marry or move on if the six-month mark has come and no wedding announcement has been made. Unlike the average idea of what dating looks like, matched singles will spend their together time having frank discussions about personal values, expectations, and hopes for the future. Little time is spent flirting and wooing; love is expected to come after the marriage and is not a factor for getting married ( Depaul & Williams, 2008). Unmarried couples always meet in public places or at home with a chaperone present. The total seclusion of the unmarried couple is considered improper and physical contact is not allowed before the wedding day, including small touches like handshakes (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016).



Modern matchmaking
With today's technological advances, individuals are able to take matchmaking into the virtual world. Web sites such as sawyouatsinai.com offer the use the advantage of using technology to aid them in finding their match. Once an individual has created an account, they will fill out a thorough survey about their family background and religious observance, before they are linked to a matchmaker, up to two matchmakers can be used by one individual ("sawyouat", 2016).

Weddings
Orthodox weddings are typically big events. Even at the low-key weddings, usually second weddings, each wedding has a requirement of at least a minyan (10 males) for the religious ceremony and two witnesses. On average, an Orthodox wedding will 200 or more invited guest, if the young couple comes from leaders in the community, the number of guests can reach the thousands (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016). The week before the wedding, the couple is expected to spend that time apart from each other and do not see each other again until the day of the wedding (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016). The Sabbath before the wedding, the groom is honored by being called to the Torah in his synagogue, the bride's male relatives will often attend this. The bride will spend the Sabbath afternoon receiving female relatives and friends for a relaxing meal in her home (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016). The day before the wedding, the bride will bathe, then immerse her freshly clean body into a mikvah in privacy with one female attendant in order to achieve a state of personal purity. A mikvah is a small indoor pool, consisting mostly of rainwater which is frequently changed and replenished. In some Orthodox subgroups, the groom will also partake in this ritual, but is not as common (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016). On the day of the wedding, the bride and groom begin their day by fasting and reciting special prayers; this is a way to "starting fresh" for their new life. One to two hours before the wedding ceremony, the groom will participate on the "groom's table", where his father, soon to be father-in-law, Rabbi, male relatives, and friends, and any male guest take part in a ceremony of the marriage document signing, the two mothers will also participate before returning to the bride (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016). Simultaneously, the bride is seated in a reception room on an elevated regal chair, surrounded by her mother, and soon to be mother-in-law, grandmothers, sisters, and sisters-in-law. The bride will spend this time being greeted by friends and relatives (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 20116). At the start of the wedding ceremony, the groom is escorted, along with music and dancing, by his father and father-in-law to meet his bride. Both fathers will bless the bride and the groom with cover her face with her veil. This custom comes from the story in the Bible where Jacob is tricked by Laban into marrying his oldest daughter, instead of the youngest daughter whom he wanted to marry (M. Fisch, personal communication. April 27, 2016). The wedding itself is to take place under the heavens, be that outside or in a building with a sky light, which is opened. The wedding always takes place under a chuppah, a canopy, signifying the new home being established. The officiating Rabbi will read seven blessings, twice during the readings the bride and groom share a few sips of wine. The wedding contract is read out loud, signifying the obligations the groom has to the bride in the marriage, the bride is to keep this document throughout their marriage (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016). At the end of the ceremony, the Rabbi takes a wine glass that has been wrapped in a napkin and places it on the floor by the groom's foot. The groom stamps on the glass and smashes it, a tradition that is a reminder of the loss of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem over 2,000 years ago, everyone shouts Mazal Tov, meaning congratulations/good luck (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016).The bride and groom are then escorted to a room to spend time together in alone while their guests move to the reception room, the men and women are separated by a divider. The groom and bride will join their guests, and lively dancing and fun ensue (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016). For the following week, the newlyweds may be feted by friends or family at dinner every day in different places, each time new people who were not at the wedding will be invited and each time at grace after the meals, the seven blessings are repeated. At this point, the couple is considered to be truly married, and they can start their life together (M. Fisch, personal communication, April 27, 2016).

Arranged Marriage in America
There is an increased interest of arranged marriages in modern American culture. There are several reality shows in current existence, such as: arranged, married at first sight, and married by mom and dad, that follow the lives of newly married couples that were either brought together by a matchmaker or by parental choosing (Asatryan, 2016). The tradition is found to be both fascinating to the viewers, who want to see if the couples will stay together or divorce by the end of the season. Although some subgroups of Orthodox Judaism practice arranged marriages and the use of matchmakers to find their forever mate, the likelihood of this taking off and becoming a trend in modern American culture is unlikely (Asatryan, 2016). Cultures that practice arranged marriages tend to be collectivist cultures, meaning the core unit is the family, individuals should be aware of their actions because it reflects the image of the entire family. American culture, on the other hand, is individualist, individuals are encouraged to be independent and make their decisions based on what will make them personally happy (Asatryan, 2016). The American culture romanticizes the idea of love being the reason for marriage, whereas with arranged marriage love is not a factor for two people getting married, love is expected to come after marriage and not before (Asatryn, 2016). Movies, songs, and books all depict how true love is found through personal selection. Arranged marriages do not create a sense of closeness between they couple, typically gained after dating for some time. American culture expects couples to date for a long period of time, a couple of years at least, before deciding to get married, ensuring that the couple has a complete understanding of their mate before entering into a lifelong commitment (Asatryan, 2016). Because of these ideas, American's have on love and marriage, individuals who decide to enter into an arranged marriage are not very likely to have a strong support system, their decision may be seen as forced or not really what they want. These reasons would make it difficult for arranged marriage to become a trend among unmarried individuals (Asatryan, 2016).