Non-Monogamies

=** Introduction **= toc Non-monogamy is an umbrella term for any type of interpersonal relationship structure that involves more than two people. There are numerous variations of non-monogamy, and each one may be interpreted differently depending on culture or other contexts. The plural “non-monogamies” is often used to reflect the diversity of relationship structures that fit (Barker & Langdridge, 2010). In addition, the term "consensual" is often added--i.e. consensual non-monogamies, or CNM--to differentiate between intentional non-monogamies and infidelities (Barker & Langdridge, 2010).

Euro-American culture is considered mono-normative. Mono-normativity is our set of cultural assumptions that privilege coupledom, love relationships, and sexual exclusivity, and prohibit extra-dyadic relationships (Barker & Langdridge, 2010). As a result, CNM relationships are non-normative, and people who choose these types of relationships are often unable to acknowledge them openly. Thus, it is impossible to know how many people are currently in consensually non-monogamous relationships.

One example of non-monogamy is polyamory, which is often understand as having multiple romantic partners. Portwood-Stacer (2010) notes that its practice is diverse among different people, “but it generally amounts to a mutual understanding of sexual non-exclusivity between partners” (p. 484). The open relationship is a similar concept and is sometimes used interchangeably with polyamory. It mostly refers to a primary or established relationship in which individuals agree they can date or have sex with other people too. Polyamorous and open relationships have gained some relative popularity in many European and American cultures, supported by self-help style literature such as //[|The Ethical Slut]// by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy and //Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships// by [|Tristan Taormino]. Research suggests that much of the existing literature on polyamory is instructional in nature and caters to white, college-educated populations, failing to consider other cultures (Noël, 2006). Polyamory is sometimes mistaken for swinging, which is when an established couple, usually together, engage in sexual behavior with others as a social activity.

In addition to polyamory and open relationships, another example of non-monogamous relationship structures is polygamy, in which one person has married multiple partners. Polygyny refers to when a man has more than one wife, and polyandry refers to when a woman has more than one husband. Polygyny is often associated with religious organizations. Polyandry, though far more rare than polygyny, is an acceptable marital form in approximately 80 different hunter-gatherer and incipient agriculturist cultures around the world. While there is a concentration of polyandrous societies on the Himalayan Plateau of Tibet, Nepal and India, socially sanctioned polyandry is practiced in cultures from every continent other than Europe and Antarctica (Starkweather & Hames, 2012) .

= = =**Cross-Cultural Non-Monogamies**=

Anarchism
Anarchist communities often theorize monogamy as a system of oppression similar to the state and capitalism. Non-monogamies discussed include free love, polyamory, and relationship anarchy. Often, the decision for an anarchist to be non-monogamous has less to do with individual desires and more with political expression and resistance.

__**The Asmat of New Guinea**__
The Asmat are a people who live in a remote area of western New Guinea in the country of Indonesia. Prior to the Second World War, the Asmats were sufficiently inaccessible that they had virtually no contact with individuals from any other culture. When Christian missionaries started taking an interest in the Asmat in the 1950s, the Asmats still practiced their ancient traditions, which included head-hunting and three forms of consensual non-monogamy. The practices of head-hunting and consensual non-monogamy are linked by Asmat cosmology. Though Christian influences have largely eliminated these Asmat traditions, they were practiced into the last quarter of the 20th century.

Iran
Historically, polygamy has been a common practice in Iran, where it is currently legal for men to have up to 4 wives. However, the practice is becoming increasingly unpopular in urban areas. Despite political repression, many young people in Iran are beginning to open up about other non-monogamous practices, such as open relationships and group sex.

Polyamory in the United States
Polyamorous relationships involve multiple romantic and/or sexual partners and are generally egalitarian and based on the principles of honesty and consensus. Polyamorists often distinguish their relationships from other open relationship styles by emphasizing love and intimacy and de-emphasizing sex.

Polygamy in the Arab World
Polygamy in the Arab World is based on the laws outlined by the Quran and Arab traditions that preceded the founding of Islam in 610 CE. Men are allowed up to four wives, as long as he can treat each equally.

Swinging in the United States
Swinging is a type of consensual non-monogamy that views the couple as the primary unit. Partners engage in sexual activity outside of the couple with the full knowledge and consent of both partners, with limited emotional ties and an emphasis on the playful aspect of sex.

Queer women in the United States
Lesbian and bisexual women in the U.S. often face stereotypes about the ways they structure their relationships. Some, however, challenge these notions with the idea that heteronormativity and mononormativity stem from similar places of power.

=Recommendations= Sex therapists and sex educators are likely to encounter clients who engage in some form of non-monogamy. In order to meet these clients' needs, therapists and educators need to be aware of the different forms of non-monogamy, and the terminology used, and be comfortable discussing these topics. Therapists and educators should explore their own sexological worldview and identify their biases about non-monogamy as part of an ongoing process of skills development.

=References= Barker, M., & Langdridge, D. (2010). Whatever happened to non-monogamies? critical reflections on recent research and theory. //Sexualities, 13//(6), 748-772. doi:10.1177/1363460710384645 Noël, M. J. N. (2006). Progressive polyamory: Considering issues of diversity. //Sexualities, 9//(5), 602-620. doi: 10.1177/1363460706070003 Portwood-Stacer, L. (2010). Constructing anarchist sexuality: Queer identity, culture, and politics in the anarchist movement. //Sexualities, 13//(4), 479-493. doi: 10.1177/13634607103710370653 Starkweather, K.E., & Hames, R. (2012). A survey of non-classical polyandry. //Human Nature, 23,// 149-172.