Non-Monogamies+among+Queer+Women+in+the+U.S.

= toc **Introduction**  = Queer is a reclaimed umbrella term; while it has contested meanings it is often used to refer to members of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) communities. This article uses at times the term queer to include women who identify as non-heterosexual, whether lesbian, bisexual, or queer. Rich (1980) also argues for the use of lesbian continuum, recognizing the broad range of "woman-identified experience" (p. 648). This theory validates and encourages the use of lesbian to describe a diversity of identities, sexualities, and experiences which may be reflected in this article.

The U-Haul and lesbian death bed stereotypes often leave little room for any other narrative concerning queer female sexuality in mainstream media and other discourses. Labriola (1999) asserts that relationships styles between women in fact tend to be very diverse, challenging these traditional views of lesbians as almost entirely monogamous. Additionally, bisexual women often face accusations of being incapable of fidelity or maintaining stable relationships. Research confirms this stereotype is mostly false; however, the perpetuation of this message also fails to recognize that non-monogamous relationship structures, such as polyamory, may be a valid and consensual option for some (McLean, 2004).



**Connecting Heteronormativity & Mononormativity**
Lesbian and bisexual women in the United States practice diverse non-monogamies just as many other populations do. An important distinction, however, is the social and political contexts in which queer women live and relate to one another. Despite some cultural shifts in understanding, the United States as a whole currently only provides legal recognition to heterosexual and monogamous relationships. In addition to Adrienne Rich's classic articulation of [|compulsory heterosexuality], some might argue that United States and other cultures perpetuate a compulsory monogamy (Rich, 1980, Richie & Barker, 2006).

One common theme in writings about queer female non-monogamy is the rejection of this heteronormativity, including the in stitution of marriage and, for some, the normalization of monogamy in general (Halpern, 1999; Martin, 1999; McLean 2004). In other words, queer polyamory serves as a place of feminist resistance to heteronormativity and partiarchy. Some of this history can be traced back to free love in the 60s. Martin (1999) argues that “without the constraints of het sex roles and family expectations … lesbians were free to invent our own culture” but that instead the community imitated dominant cultural norms of monogamy (p. 136). Both heteronormativity and mononormativity are rooted in power, history, and culture; their co-existence clearly complicates the lives of people who are neither heterosexual nor monogamous.

**Non-Monogamy Styles among Queer Women**
As aforementioned, lesbian and bisexual women structure their relationships in diverse ways. According to Munson (1999), “moving in and out of platonic, erotic, sensual and sexual phases with friends is a common practice among polyamorous lesbians” (p. 211). One author provides context for this observation, stating that for her loving many women simultaneously is more about community than lust (Martin, 1999, p. 135).

Labriola (1999) offers a list of non-monogamous relationship styles: > In this style, there i s an established couple, and any other relationships revolve around this couple and are therefore considered secondary. In some cases, the couple may add new partners to their sexual activities. In others, each partner may have outside relationships. > The main point of this style is that “all primary partner models include three or more people in a primary relationship in which all members are equal partners” (p. 221). Variations include but are not limited to: > - Polyfidelity model: closed multi-adult families > - Multiple primary partners: open model > Unlike the above two models, which “stress commitment and primary relationships,” some people choose to have more than one non-serious relationship (p. 224).
 * //Primary/secondary Model//
 * //Multiple primary partners model//
 * //Multiple non-primary relationships model//



“Dykes come with differences. Among us we may have a wide range of desire for social interaction. We may have one or none or many sexual relationships, solely, sequentially, or simultaneously. Some of us move among overlapping relationships within or even outside our lesbian community. Some of us are very focused within a microcosm of relating. And sometimes wechange from one form of relating to another” (Mushroom, 1999, p. 191)